The mind of Jessica – 25 minutes on the Elliptical trainer.

So I’m back at it. And I had an appointment today with Staci my personal trainer. And I’m feeling motivated so I thought I’d go to the gym a bit early. Also I was really annoyed because the cleaners came at like 3:50 and gave me heart failure because I didn’t realize they were coming today, and this BIG BURLY tattooed man unlocked our door and came in and I swear if I owned a gun I probably would have shot him out of fear. But turns out he was just part of our Cleaner’s team. Anyway. So I went to the gym a bit early to do some cardio before Staci tried to kill me…

If you ever wondered what goes through my brain on the elliptical, here it is:

Get on the Elliptical
Put iPod on, find a good song
Program Elliptical for Random Hill Level 9
Ellipt (yes I made that up)
Look at clock. 1.00 minutes have elapsed.
The song is pumping me up. Ok Jessica. You can do this. This is awesome. Think of how great you’ll feel after this. Think of how awesome you’ll look eventually. Hey look at you go. Oh yeah. Woo hoo! Burning calories. Yeah bitches.
Look at the clock thinking surely 10 minutes has passed by now.
Wait. What? that can’t be right? I’ve been ellipting for at least 10 minutes. Seriously? This thing must be broken. It’s broken. I’m sure it’s broken. It can’t be right. Oh well. Who cares. Keep going. You can do it. FEEL THE BURN. It’s great. Working out is good for you. You love it. Keep it up. You’re doing a really good job. OOOO I LOVE THIS SONG. *Turns up ipod*. I wonder if I could dance and ellipt at the same time. I probably shouldn’t try that. I’ll probably hurt myself. Nah. I won’t hurt myself. Yes. Yes I will. No I won’t try to dance and Ellipt. I’m thirsty. *drinks water with minimal spillage while maintaining pace* Ok. NOW it must be like 30 minutes that I’ve been on this thing. It MUST be. I’m sweating like a pig. This is gross. I don’t SWEAT. Look at the clock.


REALLY? Oh hey that girl has been climbing those stairs for a long time. Why the hell would anyone pay money to come climb that awful machine. Maybe because there’s a TV at the top of it? I don’t get it. They’re HUGE stairs, and it moves, and people always look like they’re DYING and HATE it when they’re on it. It makes LESS sense to me than running does. Seriously. Running at least can serve a purpose at some point. For instance if a huge scary animal is chasing you, or you’ve pissed someone off and they can’t run as fast as you, or in the zombie apocalypse, but stair climbing? I dunno. I’m not convinced it’s sensible. Surely now it must be time for my appointment…

SERIOUSLY?! You’re kidding. This is dumb. Also, is that guy gay? I’m sure he’s gay. He’s a nice looking guy – in a I’m not attracted to you but I Can appreciate that you look nice way. I wonder what his name is? He’s ALWAYS here. Like every time I come here (which isn’t often lately but seriously it was a lot before) he was here. Didn’t matter what time I was here or what day. He’s always here. Does he live here? I wonder if he’s the “man” in his relationship? He must be strong. I’ve only ever seen him do weights. But he’s little. I think he’s shorter than I am. He’s not a big BEEFCAKE guy. I bet he runs. Yeah he must run. I’m going to look over there now. OH MY GOD WHY THE HELL DID YOU LOOK OVER THERE. Great. Now I have to process this. That guy has skinny legs. Holy crap. And oh, tattoos. OH a very brightly colored tatoo on his outer upper thigh? That’s kind of odd, it’s a nice tattoo – I think, I can’t see it in detail, but I feel it’s kind of… feminine? I wonder if he has a girlfriend? He seems straight but that tattoo, not so much. Oh. My. God. Those shorts. He’s wearing… omg. He’s wearing hot pants. tiny black hot pants. I guess some people like to work out in their underwear? Interesting. He kind of reminds me of the “SaskatchatOOOOOOn” guy from Grown Ups. Hmm. I’ll watch him for awhile. Wow. He’s pretty strong. That tattoo and those short shorts are very distracting. I’m not sure what I’m looking at. My brain is still trying to process all of this.  Oh, there’s Staci, surely it hasn’t been 25 minutes already… Looks at the clock


4 Responses to "The mind of Jessica – 25 minutes on the Elliptical trainer."

  • So the lesson I should take away from this is that staring at gay guys in hot pants makes your workouts go faster? Hmm… not sure how I feel about that. :P

    1 Shawn R said this (August 31, 2013 at 5:35 am) Reply

    • The hotpants guy is straight. ;)

      2 mangocitrus said this (September 3, 2013 at 2:42 am) Reply

  • nice to see what goes through your mind. similar to mine.
    I usually put on good music, cover up the clock. and just try to get in the zone. I need to get back to going more often tho.

    3 Jenny V said this (September 2, 2013 at 12:31 am) Reply

    • I can’t cover up the clock because that involves covering up the fan :(

      4 mangocitrus said this (September 3, 2013 at 2:41 am) Reply

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