Sometimes I wish I had a DVR for my dreams…

So I had a very VIVID very GRAPHIC dream last night that left me feeling very anxious/unsettled. I’m not sure where it came from or why I was dreaming it or why it involved the people it did…

So, I was staying in a hotel in Edmonton. It was an older hotel, and it was near a walmart. So I don’t know what hotel it was as I typically stay in fairly new hotels. The hotel was really nice, and had a modern design even though it was old. And it had a cool staircase that went down to the main lobby where the somewhat ornate front desk was.

 

To the Left of the front desk, there was a bank of elevators and hallways leading to guest rooms and fitness/pool facilities. to the Right of the front desk was the restaurant/seating area.

I was staying in a very nice suite with 2 beds. My father was sharing the suite with me for some reason. He was sleeping in the room to the right of the suite. And I was in the main left side suite room with the jacuzzi and the bathroom attached. My father played a very little role in this dream, other than just being there.

My best friend and her coworkers were also there. From what I gather, it was some sort of federal government conference or reason I was there.  Although I’m not sure why my mother wouldn’t have been there? Anyway…

My coworkers John & Alex were sharing a room similar to mine a couple floors up.

The first part of my dream, I was attending some kind of meeting or workshop or something. I was taking notes/learning/joking with John & Alex.  My supervisor wasn’t there. And neither were any of my other coworkers.

I got a call on my work cell phone and had to step out of the room.

I don’t know who was calling me (someone higher-up obviously). Basically the person (male) explained to me that there was a serial killer. He was based in Edmonton but would stalk people and get them from other areas of the province and bring them back to Edmonton and torture them and eventually kill them.

They had found a grave with a few bodies in it and were starting up a file, and they needed me to assist. They had me working from the hotel though because they didn’t want to make it look like something was awry because they weren’t sure at this point if the killer had intel or anything.

** Then I woke up for a bit. I had to pee etc. So I thought – hmm that’s a really fucked up dream…**

This time I’m going through the hallway in the basement of the hotel with John & Alex. We’re looking for something but I’m anxious, so I think we’re doing it on the d/l. I’m not sure what we were looking for but we were being quick and quiet. We came to a dead end so we ended up just going back up.

I got a text msg on my personal phone from Vince, my friends boyfriend, asking me if I’d talked to her recently, because he was worried about her. I said no. He said she was supposed to pick him up and she never showed up. He hadn’t heard from her in 2 days (which would NEVER happen) and so he was trying to contact all her friends to see what was up.

I texted her and sent her a BBM but the BBM came up as not sent and I never got an answer to the text.

It got hazy but I ended up talking to Vince again and piecing together that she may actually be with the killer. I told him to come to Edmonton. He could stay in my room.

The lead investigator on the file and I figured out that the killer had my friend (Kandice) and that they  must have known each other. She must have trusted him. It started to really distress me and stress me out because I know Kandice, so they ended up taking me off the file, and taking me off the workshop and making me stay in edmonton but they wanted me to “Relax” and not stress but I wasn’t allowed to leave because I knew about things and because the person who had Kandice might be someone I know or might come after me.

So I spent my time hanging out with John & alex, and still trying to figure out who had Kandice. John & Alex would give me information when they found it out and then we’d follow up on some things that we could.

*** I woke up again thinking, please don’t let me continue this god-awful dream***

Back to the dream. Vince was there and staying in my room. My father was annoyed and being judgmental. Vince had to sleep in my bed with me, but it was king sized so it didn’t matter.

I had a nose bleed. And I noticed there was green vomit on the floor, a bunch of splotches of it. I couldn’t figure out who’s it was – my dad’s or Vinces.

Vince and I had a conversation about something I cant remember what it was, but it was pretty intense.

It had been 3 days and we still hadn’t heard from Kandice and we still hadn’t heard from the killer other than a couple of tips he called in on himself to mess with us.

I was anxious/scared because it was my friend. Vince was upset, obviously.

The last thing I remember before I woke up was there was an envelope that a bell boy brought to me and the envelope said “look closely, you’ll see” and i opened it and it was a pretty gruesome/horrific picture of a dead body – but I was trying really hard to see past the body.

Then I woke up.

There were more little details to it but I don’t remember them off the time of my head… But yeah. Very creepy.


Smoking is bad… M’kaaaay?

So I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine this evening. He asked me if I speak French… And a memory was triggered, so I thought I’d write about it. :) (Point of Fact: I do speak French.)

So I have this friend, who shall remain nameless because we’re not actually allowed to be friends because well, women are crazy. Anyway… We will call him…. Umm… *ponders*… We’ll call him Anon. So Anon and I are pretty good friends. We’ve known each other for a long, long time. And Anon has a little daughter who had recently started French Immersion, and he wanted to learn French. So I was helping him out a bit and teaching him some things.

So anyway… Anon and I were out for dinner one night, and then I drove him back to his Hotel (he was staying in my town for work.) and he had had a few drinks, so I walked with him back to his hotel room to make sure he got there ok (get your minds out of the gutter). When Anon drinks, he smokes. So he had taken his cigarette package out and decided he was going to read the warning label. He read it aloud in English first. Then he read it aloud in French.

For a point of reference, here’s the label (and no you don’t need to know French to find this amusing…):

So… He’s reading out the French as we’re walking towards the Hotel… Now, the word for “blood” in French is “Sang”… The word for “monkey” in French is “Seinge”…. He pronounced “sang” as “seinge”.

Read the label. Replace “Blood” with “Monkey”.

….

There you go. :) I laughed SO HARD. I was crying, and gasping, and I honestly doubled over in the middle of the parking lot because I couldn’t stop laughing. And he was standing there going “What?” “What?!” … “What?!!” and I’m all “*GASPS* You said… *GASPS* …. You said…. “Cigarettes may cause sexual impotence due to decreased monkey flow to the penis!”

 

Ah yes… Good times.


Tonight, we are young…

So lush has a new product out called “fun”. And every time I think about it, the song “we are young” pops into my head.

The product is similar to modeling clay, and sold in a tube for a reasonable price, I paid $7.something for mine. it comes in Pink, orange, blue, and green (maybe red?) and each color has a unique smell.
it is targeted at kids… so PERFECT for me!
I bought the pink kind, and it smells soft and lovely, the way I feel powder pink should smell.
The lady at lush told me that it is corn starch based… this gives it a good putty consistency and makes it bathtub safe. it makes a bit of a “swirly” effect in the tub water too.
It can be used as bubble bath, body wash, and shampoo, although I don’t really like it as a shampoo in MY hair, it’s probably fine for kids though.
Overall I really enjoyed it, my skin is soft, and it didn’t leave any film in the tub!

:) I’m hoping I get the other colors for Christmas from Santa! ;)

And for your viewing enjoyment (not the “Fun” version, but these guys are amazing…)
We are young


The Gratitude Aplification

So I’ve tried typing an entry here like 3 times already, but I keep getting distracted and/or discouraged and give up. I really have nothing fun to say. I just figure I should update. And I keep thinking of awesome things to write about and then I forget them by the time I get here. I really need to get over my hatred of typing on my phone and just update when I think of these things! The title originally was because I was typing this on Thanksgiving, but then got distracted… and I decided to keep it, because I really am grateful for the things I DO have…

I’m doing fairly well but I feel like I’m just going through the motions of life right now… and for various reasons. I’m just not really HAPPY, you know? I think work-stress is really affecting me right now, so I’m trying to figure out ways to maintain my sanity and my employment at the same time. It’s hard. LOL. Basically it boils down to, work less, spend time with people I like more. We’ll see how that goes… I updated my Project HappyJess blog… (http://projecthappyjess.wordpress.com) because I felt like I should. But I think that will be a good place to remind myself of things that are GOOD in my life (which is the whole point of it) and hopefully make some improvements in my overall mood.

Thanksgiving was really nice. For those of you who read this that are American, we had our Thanksgiving up here on Monday. We went to my dad’s best friends’ house in Olds. They’re like family. My dad and Murray have known each other since they were kids. I consider them family and have never thought otherwise. I really enjoyed dinner too. It was nice to see them and our friend Bonnie.

My dads birthday is on Saturday! I asked him if he wanted me to make anything special for dinner on Sunday night (Because he’s going to be away this weekend) and he said “Whistle Dogs”… :) I love my dad. He makes me smile. So I’ll be making whistle dogs and fries on Sunday for supper… should be fun. I also asked him “What do you want for your birthday?” and he says “$50″… I made the mistake of asking him if he wanted it in any specific format. I should have just gotten him 50 loonies and individually wrapped them. THAT would have been AMUSING… I’m the best daughter EVER! (And his ONLY daughter… so he’s stuck with me regardless.) (Have I mentioned I’m awesome?!)

And as always, I am still updating my food blog (http://food.mangocitrus.ca)! Yesterday I made this DELICIOUS salad with papaya in it. And I don’t even really like papaya… but omg. The dressing is like crack. I had a bowl of it with a grilled chicken breast. DE-LICIOUS.

Alrighty well that’s enough out of me for now.

Here’s a song that keeps getting stuck in my head…

<3

Jess


I left my heart in San Francisco

LAME title right? So lame… but so true. San Francisco is a beautiful, beautiful city, and I was very much looking forward to going back there, but then things kind of went… away.

Shawn and I broke up, if you didn’t already get that from my facebook. I feel bad for making such a public spectacle of it. It was not my intent to be a drama queen of any sorts. He and I are still friends. Shawn is one of my best friends in the world.
As I’ve mentioned before, and as most of the 2 of you who read this know. Shawn and I have known each other for a LONG time. 11 years. We met on Live Journal. And we’ve been through a lot of interesting moments in each others’ lives. So to lose him completely is not really an option for me.

This is not a blog post where I’m going to pick apart our relationship. There’s nothing to pick apart. We got along great. But some people just can’t handle long-distance. and while I wish with my whole heart that he could, he just couldn’t. And that makes me incredibly sad, but life goes on.

I find it funny because when I was younger and I was heart broken I got the same bull crap lines as I do now. Only now it’s with more of a sarcastic spin. So for instance when I was 18 and my boyfriend dumped me and everyone was like “Oh Jessica, you’re a great girl, you just need to give it time, there are plenty of other guys out there” it was much more sincere and they were saying it with such conviction, like they honestly believed it. Now when they say it, they know that I know better. LOL. And it’s not that none of that stuff is true. I’m fucking awesome. Whatever. It’s that I KNOW…. I KNOW I just need time. I KNOW there are other guys. I KNOW someone will love me for me, or I certainly hope so – I mean, come on! I can’t be that bad can I? I just told you I was awesome…. That means I’m awesome. The issue is that when someone asks me “What do you look for in a relationship” I look for what I had with Shawn. You know, minus the sad breaking up part of it. Haha. (Seriously I’m smiling you can too stop looking at me like I’ve lost my marbles. I never had any to begin with.)

But honestly. It was a really good relationship. (Again, minus the whole breaking up part).

So to all of you out there who are hating Shawn on my behalf for breaking my heart, please stop. It hurts my heart more when you hate him, because he’s not a bad guy. I said to KS today – “I wish he was an asshole. It would make this so much easier”. (I mean, honestly, I don’t wish he was an asshole because I quite enjoy his company and if he was an asshole I wouldn’t… But … you know what I mean… ) He’s a nice guy. So please stop hating him. This wasn’t easy for him either.  He is sad too.

When I told my former coworker that Shawn had broken up with me, he was like “WHAT?! OMG… Jessica, you’re smart and funny and awesome. His loss” (yeah yeah, I’m awesome… see I told you guys, I’m not making this shit up)… Anyway… Then he goes “damn Americans… Want me to punch one of the American Guys on my crew for you tomorrow?” LOL…

Anyway. In conclusion, don’t hate Shawn. He’s nice. And yes, I know, time wounds all heals and there are plenty of fish droppings in the sea and all that lovely sage wise advice that everyone gives.

Have a fantastic weekend and be grateful for something ok?

Here’s what I’m grateful for:

My friends -ALL of my friends are amazing people.
My Family – I had to get my awesomeness from somewhere right?
The Weather – It’s awesome right now – although I heard mention of the “s” word for next week. WTF?!
I’m alive – REJOICE!
It’s the weekend and I’m going to sing some karaoke BABY! – Also REJOICE! (and come sing with me…)

<3 Jess


Thoughts from the shower…

It’s been kind of a stressful couple of weeks. Admittedly, a lot of it is self-induced because I am an anxious person, and I am sorely lacking in the self-confidence department… but I’m becoming really good at pretending with the self-confidence, I hope someday that will spill over and eventually just become self-confidence, no effort, no pretending. Anyway. 2 weeks ago I was teaching a course that I was nervous about teaching, last week I was babysitting the minions for the week and having some trouble with the youngest one and felt horrible about it, and then this weekend I’ve just been horribly lonely, so this has lead to some moping and anxiety.

I had an “ah-ha” moment in the shower. Where I decided that I need to just stop it, pretty much. And while that won’t be an instant thing, at least it’s helping (for now). I really hate the random anxiety it’s a serious issue. But I already babbled about all that over here: Project HappyJess So I will spare you all the details on here.

Otherwise life is going along at … an odd? pace? I don’t know. I feel like the years have been flying by. The older I get, the faster they go (which sucks.) But at the same time I feel like things have been stagnant and boring? I think because I’m gone so often I have a hard time commiting to a social life and I don’t really go out and DO things like I used to when I was just home all the time. I used to go to plays, dinner theatre, movies, etc. And now I just… don’t. … I used to go to  Karaoke at least once a week, I can’t even tell you the last time I went to karaoke, I need to rectify that situation.

This week I’m home all week. I plan on going to karaoke on Thursday. I have no other plans this week but i’ll have to make some.

Next week I’m going to be in lethbridge most of the week.  And the week after, Edmonton. I need to make sure to make plans and spend time with people so that I don’t get back into this funk I’m in.

In other news, I start physio (or a “hybrid program” whatever the hell that is) on Wednesday. I was supposed to start friday but it got rescheduled for various reasons.

Well I guess that’s all for now. I just wanted to update. Once my phone is fixed I’m hoping to update here a bit more often. (My phone is in for repairs right now and I HATE the Gio or whatever the hell it is they gave me as a loaner phone. crappy phone is crappy, yo…. At least I have a phone though lol.)

Alrighty well you all have a fantastic rest of your weekend.

<3 Jess


Drink the kool aid

So I’m sitting at home, resting my knee, and I’m thirsty… So i rummage around the fridge. I don’t want water, and we have nothing made, so I’m looking to see what kind of tea we have when I come across some Kool-Aid! So i made it and am now remembering my childhood. :)

image


Longtime Gone…

It has been far too longsince I have posted in my blog. And there’s no excuse really. I could totally type up entries on my phone, but to be perfectly honest, I feel like it would be less painful to pull my eyelashes out one-by-one than to type out a blog entry on my touch-screen phone. LOL. I’m getting better at it now that I’ve had it for about a year, but holy cow am I terrible at the whole putting my fat-fingers in the right place. I find I hit the “.” a lot instead of the spacekey.

Anyway enough about my touch-screen/fat-fingers…

In the last little while I went to San Francisco to visit Shawn and had a LOVELY time. It was short, but i awesome we did so much fun stuff! And ate at so many DELICIOUS restaurants!!!

I also got to see Shawn again about a month later. I flew to Atlanta and drove with him to San Francisco in a death-trap budget rental truck! It was awesome! (seriously) I got to see so many states that I otherwise would not have gotten a chance to see. Arkansas has big-ass bugs. And New Mexico is totally creepy/scary.

I managed to wreck my knee on the plane going to Yellowknife for work. So I am an invalid. It sucks. And I haven’t really been able to do much of anything. :( Which is actually why I came here initially. I need to make a plan so that I can at least maintain my current weight and not GAIN any weight while I’m an invalid. I’d like to try to LOSE weight if I can by just trying to eat healthier and drink more tea/water. But maintenance would be fine by me as well. Once I can exercise some/more, I think it would be easier. I guess I can do some upper-body stuff but my doctor wasn’t really clear on what I should/shouldn’t be doing at this point. he told me to relax and take it easy. Which would be totally fine if it was for a short amount of time – or if I had a partner to help me do chores. But basically it’s just a pain in the ass. (And knee.)

Yellowknife was an awesome place. So beautiful. And I’m looking forward to going back there in October! Should be great! I am stoked to see the Northern Lights! :) (I’ve seen them before, but never that far north). I am also excited that in October there will likely not be natives having sex on the rocks outside my hotel room ;)

And that’s your update for now. I will try to come back more often and with more interesting things to say :)

-Jess


Watching Paint Dry

It’s been quite some time since I’ve posted a blog update. It’s partially that I didn’t have much funny or interesting to say, and partially because I’ve had no motivation to post in my blog lately…

I figured though, because it’s Sunday and I’m at work getting paid overtime, there’s no better time to update my blog! And before my co-workers read this and tattle on me for blogging while I should be working: I’m converting multimedia and transferring stuff from one drive to another, so I can’t overly multitask or my computer will have heart failure – and converting multimedia is only slightly less boring than watching paint dry…

So it’s been a couple weeks now that I’ve been on the Trazodone for my insomnia. I have to say, I think it’s working. I have been sleeping more than usual, and I feel like it doesn’t take me an overly long time to fall asleep, and when I wake up to pee in the middle of the night, I’m not up forever trying to fall asleep again. HOWEVER, I’m still tired/exhausted a lot of the time, but I think that has more to do with work/overworking myself than sleep or lack thereof. But I do feel more energetic and capable than I did. I was at the point of complete meltdown that day I went in to my doctors office. Significant improvement for the win.

I went to Lethbridge for work last week. Actually, Raymond. I always enjoy going down south. The further south you go in Alberta, the population becomes mainly Mennonite or Mormon (LDS), and there seems to be a higher concentration of… eccentric people per square foot. I’ve concluded that small towns have more eccentric people because there are less people in general.

On my way there on Monday I made my usual stops in Nanton and Claresholm. Nanton is the home of a FANTASTIC candy store. It has candy that you can’t find anywhere else, and candy from my mom’s childhood, that kind of thing… I didn’t go to the Candy store because it was too early, but I did have to pull over and answer an e-mail and make a phone call (heavens forbid people wait until I get somewhere!), I also had to find my car charger as my work phone was on it’s final battery bar.

While pulled over in Nanton, I saw a man out walking his… “dog”.. (I am not entirely convinced that it was a dog. But we’ll pretend.) Normally I wouldn’t think anything of it. A fairly big/burly guy, out walking his little frou-frou rat with hiar, probably his wife making him take the little thing out… And as I sat in my van, staring at the situation – trying to figure out WHAT it was exactly I was looking at and WHY I wouldn’t allow myself to look away, I slowly realized what it was that drew my attention.

The man, about 6’2″ and fairly well built (I would be afraid of him if he approached me in a dark alley), was walking a small “dog” that may or may not have been a pommeranian or pekingnese or some cross of the 2, I’m not sure.

He was wearing a muscle shirt and … *blink*… *brain processing* … are those hello kitty pyjama pants? *stares closer*… Yes, they’re pink, and *waits for him to get closer* YES! he is wearing PINK Hello Kitty pyjama pants. WTF?! His ‘dog’ was also wearing a coat, not of the hello-kitty variety, which leads me to beleive the man was likely not gay, because most gay men would at least coordinate their “dog”‘s jacket with their pyjama pants…

Yes folks. I saw that. And you really honestly can’t make this shit up. And I saw it in Nanton, AB. Go figure…

That was not the end of the oddities that day though. About an hour later, I’m in Claresholm, AB stopping for a pee-break at the 7-11, and I’m browsing the store to see if there’s anything I feel like snacking on whilst I drive… And I see what I think is a Pink & Purple clown wig walking around. I thought “okay, someone is wearing a clown wig at 10:30 am at 7-11 in Claresholm, that’s not strange at all!”

I got in line behind it, and then I realized: That’s not a clown wig. That’s a little old lady, with clown wig hair! It was her real hair. And she had to be in her late 70′s! That old lady is my hero. With her pink and purple old lady perm.

Well, my multimedia is done (this round anyway) so I should go and do some actual work.
But I thought I’d share my stories of Nanton and Claresholm with you.


Oh hey so THAT is what THAT feels like!?

Yeah. I slept again last night. I was skeptical, because I wasn’t overly tired when I took my pill, and then an hour and a half later I still wasn’t really tired, but I decided to lay still for a few minutes and try to sleep. And lo and behold, I fell asleep…. for half an hour. LOL! I woke up a bit disoriented and bolted out of bed and regretted it immediately, because I was a bit dizzy. I regained my bearings and checked the clock. “11:00 pm” What? 11:00? My brain was trying to do the math. “but. I JUST fell asleep, and I’m SO TIRED” the culprit was that I had to pee. Keeping in mind that the only thing I had to drink before that since 7pm was a small 3oz cup of water to take the pills with. So I went pee (story of my life) and stumbled back to bed.

I woke up at 2 ish AM as well. I can’t remember exactly. I know I woke up though. I was DRENCHED in sweat. the bed was soaked too. I seem to recall this happening the night before as well but I don’t 100% remember, and in the morning yesterday I wasn’t drenched in sweat, so I dunno. But yeah, thought it odd, then went back to sleep.

I was having some fairly vivid dreams but again I don’t exactly remember what they were about. One was about Shawn calling. And I think that’s just because I was thinking last night how much I miss hearing his voice. (we don’t talk a whole lot on the phone lately especially because he’s been so busy/stressed).

I woke up at 5am when my alarm went off and scared the living daylights out of me. I think I actually lifted entirely off the bed. (okay, maybe not…).  I could have slept for awhile longer for sure, but had to get up at 5 this morning because Mom is driving me to work and I needed the extra time to get ready because she leaves fairly early usually.

I was drenched in sweat again when I woke up. that must be a side-effect. How attractive. Either that or I’m fighting something right now, which isn’t surprising considering my mother has a cold right now and my body is probably like “No. I will not be catching that, but thanks anyway….”

So there you have it.

I haven’t been keeping up entirely with my 5 Things , but I wrote 5 this morning for some thankfulness on a Monday Morning. Another thing I’m thankful for? That it’s a short week for me this week. (It’s my Friday off!)